i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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