Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
