We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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