**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
