I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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