it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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