I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
