Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Houston, we have a blender
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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