Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
