My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
