you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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