The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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