I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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