My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
