Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
