so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My ass is underappreciated
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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