well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
