i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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