She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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