you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
