is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
