I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
