I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
