There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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