i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
