sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
