oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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