There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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