I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
