someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
