So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
