I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
