I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
