He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
