the condom got lost in my hair
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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