remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
