She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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