There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
