If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
