I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
