Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize