Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
