so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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