You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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