Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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