"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
