My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
