How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize