he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize