My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have aggressive nipples.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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