DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Send help, water and tortillas.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
