I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
