Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
