I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
home. puking in laundry basket.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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