With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
