took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
