kristin has been a bad kristin
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
