I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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