you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
