my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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