i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
