I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
