I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
