can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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