So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize