just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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