I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
