I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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