alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think your dad took our porno
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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